Let us start with your gameplay, which is nothing more than button-mashing trick combos and pedal-to-the-metal racing. The buoyancy effect is what keeps us in, or out, of control of the watercraft, forcing racers to carve deep into some turns while lightly skipping across other areas. Advanced control options give us but one real option, the ability to control hydroplaning, which, while making for a more sim-like game, also makes it nightmarishly difficult on tight indoor arenas where the water is shallow and the track designs are even more so.

The trick system, which is split into three levels of difficulty, simply ends up so much button mashing and stick twisting. Early on, I found the "trick" to scoring huge trick points was to launch into trick mode (by holding down L1) before blasting off of a jump, then spinning the left analog in at least one full 360. The end effect is disheartening as anyone can perform not one, but up to three and sometimes four advanced tricks off of one jump. Once I learned to continually pull off such a massive assault on freestyle jet-skiing, my vehicle’s performance meter was so stocked with power, I was able to blow past all opposition, save for the one AI-enhanced uber rider. This AI opponent is infallible on most occasions and quickly schooled me on the more difficult game settings. The other riders, while clumsy and slow, were able to race respectably but could not live up to the challenge of beating the AI, which is the reason I repeatedly came back to many tracks.

Track design, the heart and soul of the game, is diverse when outdoors but dull when in. The eight outdoor tracks offer up fun races through a marvelously detailed Jurassic Park knock-off, fear-inducing Bermuda Triangle-type environs and even a few frozen wastelands. Yet the dirty dozen of indoor races are the same core design, just with more zigs, a few more zags and some extra jumps splashed on top between rounds.

How beautiful Splashdown would be if the graphics remained steadfast across all racing arenas and elements. Unfortunately, the game’s beauty is an inconsistent mistress, showing off her lushly detailed water and land environments then forcing us to look at stick-figure riders and polygonal watercraft. Motion on the water is, if you’ll pardon the pun, fluid, yet a character performing a trick looks a skittish as a squirrel on his tenth cup of coffee. It’s not a rare occasion for your eyes to wander over to the detail-rich landscapes, especially as you try to avoid looking at your character’s avatar.

As is to be expected, the soundtrack is your typical "rocker," with several licensed tracks, including one by The Donnas, serving as audio highlights. Smack talk between riders is the extent of the voice acting, and while clever, it’s mostly less-than-comedic and dull after a while. Watercraft echo a nice thud as they skip gleefully over the waves, while the water itself rushes and gushes realistically.

So Splashdown, how is it that you can seem so mediocre, yet elicit so much joy? I’m not really sure. Maybe there’s a hidden strength in all that simplicity. Or maybe it’s the richly detailed outdoor levels that bring me back time and again. Perhaps it’s the practical warehouse full of unlockables. I can’t really put my finger on it, but you, dear Splashdown, are a game that belongs in any action gamer’s collection.