So there you are, playing Left 4 Dead 2 into the wee hours of the night, wondering whether there’s something else out there, something a bit more “passive,” that could scare you just as much while still providing a connection to your beloved game. What’s this? You just heard about Wrong Turn 3: Left 4 Dead? Don’t worry, it’s actually not even remotely related to the PS3 and Xbox 360 game, so you’re not missing out on a thing. And heck, even if it were related, this is one horror movie on Blu-ray Disc that you should avoid unless you’re a horror-film junkie. Or insanely drunk.
Like the worst horror movies ever made, the plot in Wrong Turn 3 means absolutely nothing, but here goes. A group of young adults goes into the forest, where a cannibalistic family with freak-like deformities lurks, waiting for their next meal. Meanwhile, an undercover FBI agent must escort a valuable criminal from one maximum-security prison to another via a prisoner transport bus that — wouldn’t you know? — crashes in the same forest. Looks like we’ve got a regular freak buffet on our hands, except the prized convict dies along with most of the prisoners, the pursuing cop appears to save the day and “get” one of the stranded girls and the freak family all dies. Until the closing credits, that is, when all hell breaks loose and two twists happen in a 20-second span, setting home viewers up for a fourth round of this tripe.
The video quality is pretty poor too, especially considering this Blu-ray Disc is presented in 1080p AVC video. Nighttime grain is bad in most films, but considering most scenes in Wrong Turn 3 take place at night, this film is grain central. The surround-sound audio provides a few nice “squish” effects, not to mention some decent bullet and environmental sounds from the rear channels, but on the whole, this movie isn’t going to win an Oscar for sound mixing. Heck, some now-unemployed dude named Oscar probably pulled this track together. Of course, same thing goes for the entire film, so take those disparaging comments with a grain of salt.
I’d normally mention the bonus features here — all 17 minutes of them — but it would probably inspire some post-traumatic memories of the wasted quarter-hour I spent watching them, so I’ll save us all the headache and just say “they stink.”
Look, there’s a reason this film never hit theaters. Actually, there are about two hours’ worth of reasons. Other than the opening scene during which one of the ghoulish freaks impales a hot chick’s naked breast (look at that…we just inspired some teenagers to rent this film!) and another scene where a guy is sliced in three like mozzarella (it’s just cheesy as all hell, pun not intended), Wrong Turn 3 is just plain crap. Wrong Turn? Yeah, if you see this Blu-ray Disc on the shelf, you’ve definitely made one.
Glutton for punishment or looking for a white elephant gift? Then consider buying Wrong Turn 3 on Blu-ray from Amazon.com.
- Score: 3
— Jonas Allen